For those of you that don't know. I am the infamous Raymond Delauney, writer of irritating emails to unsuspecting victims. all emails are real, addresses have been changed to protect the stupid....
CONTACT WITH A PSYCHIC
Date: Wed, 7 Mar 2007 12:1143 +0000 (GMT)
From: "raymond delauney"
Subject: My Dilemma
To: pennyhart@happymystic.com
Hi Penny,
I take my hat off to you for possessing special powers and availing them for the
general betterment of the world.
Psychics like yourself are gifted people. I bet lots of people say ' a penny for your
thoughts'. A funny joke I would venture, given the name and nature of your vocation
I am hoping you can help me with your thought power on an important issue that
needs urgent resolution.
Let's get down to brass tacks:
I live in Scotland (though I am originally English). I have two twin brothers one, Roy,
40, who lives in Nova Scotia (Canada) and the other, Roger, also 40, who lives in
Singapore (Asia).
Before my mother died she left me a valuable painting, which has somehow ended
up in the possession of one of my brothers.
The watercolour is by the artist Henry Bernard Chalon and is estimated at
around £25,000 in value. Mother wanted me to have the painting as I have an
eye for intricate detail on expensive paintings. I believe I was her favourite (she
always called me 'her Raymondo').
I distinctly recall mother saying the painting was at one of my brothers' houses, in
his loft. But here's the problem: I can't remember which brother has it!
I don't want to ask either twin whether they have it over the phone in case they
research the painting's value and become consumed with greed, which is a terrible
thing. Both brothers are far better off than me, one is a chubby orthopaedist who
owns three cars whilst the other works in the shipping industry has 2 ponies and a
wife who spends more on her wardrobe than I do on my kids. So it's not as though
they need the money.
My plan is to go and visit the bro who has the painting as part of a holiday. My wife
could distract them by taking them out for a meal while I have a little rummage in
the loft.
Once back with its rightful owner I aim to place the painting above my mantelpiece
for a while so that I can feel closer to mum. After I get that contentment, and only
after, will I put it up on eBay to ease my current financial plight.
I need to know which brother has the painting, as booking two holidays would be
expensive -as well as time consuming. I haven't much money but if you could use
your special powers to let me know which brother has my painting I will grease your
palm with £250 of sliver once I hawk it.
Will it be more difficult to tell who has it because they are twins and have similar
genetic thought patterns?
Roy Delauney: date of birth 22/04/66 height, 6' hair colour brown. Wife's name: Lucy
Car: Volvo, MG, and a small car. Favourite sport; Golf
Roger Delauney: date of birth 22/04/66, height 6', hair colour brown. Wife's name:
Alison
Car: BMW: Favourite sport: Tennis/golf
Tip me the wink where the picture is and I'll look after you – but you already know
that I guess, what with your special powers.
Many congratulations on your work so far, which has been excellent.
Thanks in advance,
Raymond Delauney
Subject: Re: My Dilemma
Date: Wed, 07 Mar 2007 09:46:31 -0500
From: "Penny Hart"
To: "raymond delauney"
For a reading of this type I usually charge around $75.00, but also I do reduce my rates for people who cannot afford the higher price. I could look into this for you (I already have an idea which brother has it) using my guides and tell you of steps to take to assure that you get it from him also. For that I would only charge you $20.00
That can be sent to me through paypal.com using my email of pennyhart@happymystic.com if you
do not have paypal I take all major credit cards and can send you an invoice through paypal that will allow you to pay by credit card without signing up for a paypal account. When payment is received I will send you the answer, just be sure to send me an email with your brothers name fist and last in it also.
Hope to hear from you soon
Penny Hart
Penny,
Terrific news!!!
Did you like my joke about a 'penny for your thoughts'? I made it up myself.
It's interesting that you already have a sense of which brother might have the painting.
I don't have a clue.
I'm pretty short of liquid funds at present so how does a 10 percent bonus sound?
That is to say if you give me the correct answer (and I promise I'll pay up) and I'll give
you 10 percent of whatever the painting is sold for.
I'll even let you watch the sale on eBay. But I guess you will have a rough idea of the
value with your predicative powers!!
It should go for around £25,000 and so ten percent slice of that adds up to a
juicy £250 or $500. That way everyone is happy.
Obviously it's a 50/50 chance for someone without your thought patterns. But with
your skills I'd get the right answer straight away and you'd make some money.
We got ourselves a deal?
Raymond
From: "Penny Hart" <>
To: "raymond delauney"
Date: Wed, 07 Mar 2007 14:16:02 -0500
Subject: Re: My Dilemma
Sure fair enough deal :) when you put it on eBay be sure to send me the link so I can check it out.:)
The one who has it is Roy. He has forgotten that he has it and if you ask him about it later you will find it stacked on its side in the attic type with a box that has a red cloth or something red on it and tell him it would mean a lot to you and that you want it because it is moms he will give it to you.
Date: Thu, 8 Mar 2007 11:42:47 +0000 (GMT)
From: "raymond delauney"
Subject: Re: My Dilemma
To: "Penny Hart"
Terrific news!!!
I thought Roy may have had the painting but to have it confirmed by someone of your
powers is damned well reassuring. I've just booked a flight to Canada.
Unfortunately the wife, or 'Saggy' as I call her, has insisted she comes along. She
wouldn't want me enjoying myself. We tend to row a lot these days – she blames me
for her having low esteem. Not sure where she gets that from.
The only point I would disagree with you on is that I very much doubt Roy would let
me have the painting if he suspects it's cash convertible. He's as tight as a coat of
paint. As a boy he could open and eat a packet of crisps silently and secretly in his
pocket just so he didn't have to share them with me.
I'll get Saggy to have a root around the attic when I take Roy and his family out for a
meal. No point in Roy demanding a piece of the picture – he's loaded anyway.
I'll make sure I cut you in for a juicy 10%. Should add up to a handy $25.
I just realised that with you being American you probably didn't understand my rib
tickling 'penny for your thoughts' remark. You Americans use cents instead of pennies.
Thanks for your brilliant help,
Raymond
From: "Penny Hart"
To: "raymond delauney"
Date: Thu, 08 Mar 2007 08:53:52 -0500
Subject: Re: My Dilemma
Lol I actually do understand your ribbing hun. I am known internationally so I talk to a wide range of people.
For example in the US the word spoof means to copy of imitate something. I couldn't tell you what it means in " The land down under" it's too dirty Lol Ozzies have a great sense of humor.
Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 12:10:07 +0000 (GMT)
From: "raymond delauney"
Subject: Thanks a bunch
To: "Penny Hart"
Remember me?
You probably don't.
Please allow me to remind you. I'm the plum you sent to Nova Scotia, Canada – in
search of a valuable painting – a painting that wasn't there.
Do you get a kick sending people half way around the globe on a wild goose chase?
I made the HUGE mistake of believing you were a world-class medium.
Now, because of you, my brother doesn't want to see or hear from me ever again
and the wife is sleeping on the couch.
Worse, much worse is the cost of the round trip hit me in the pocket to the tune of
£3,000. I figure I should have that paid off by the back end of June – 2009.
My brother, Roy, ejected my wife and me from his house on day two of our planned
ten-day stay. He doesn't want to see me again, ever.
I took Roy, his wife and their two kids for a slap up meal while my wife stayed
behind on the pretext she was unwell with one of her heads. The plan was for the
missus to have a scout around the attic when the coast was clear.
Unfortunately, what wasn't in the plans was for my lard assed wife putting her
foot through the plasterboard, making a huge foot shaped hole in the ceiling. It's
something you can hardly blame on rats – which of course is exactly what she did.
The fact that her fat footprints, covered in plaster, led a tell tale trail all the way back
to her room didn't help lend her story much in the way of credibility.
Of course, as she repeatedly reminds me, the whole thing would never have
happened if you hadn't sent us on a wild goose chase in the first place.
My wife had to have 8 stitches inserted in her ankle, costing me £23 a stitch.
She eventually confessed it was her that caused the hole in the ceiling, emphasising
the fact it was all my idea.
Roy went puce with rage, and then when he finally reddened down he got angry
again threw some punches at me. I had to put him in a headlock for my own
protection whereupon he accidentally broke his collarbone.
Roy took great pleasure in telling me our other brother had the painting all along. He
lives in Singapore, which isn't in the same continent as Nova Scotia, by the way.
What happened to us? Well, if you're interested Roy 'kindly' dropped us off at the
hospital with our suitcases and the message never to contact him again.
The only good thing to come out of this is the wife is now kipping on the couch, she
actually believes this is punishing me. I must say all the extra space I have to stretch
out at night and not being able to hears her rasping snore is really teaching me a
valuable lesson. When she 'can't be bothered to trim her nipple hair' you just know
there's zero romance left in the marriage.
So, thanks to you, my marriage is in tatters, both my brothers hate me and my bank
balance is £3,000 lighter.
Without your useless, duff, no good, pathetic advice I'd never have travelled to
Canada in the first place.
How do you have the cheek to call yourself a medium, you look more like an extra
large to me, anyway.
You have ruined my life.
Raymond Delauney
From: "Penny Hart"
To: "raymond delauney"
Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 08:09:41 -0500
Subject: Re: Thanks a bunch
First of all don't you ever, ever send this office an email like this again. Who the hell do you think you are!! You beg for my help and then treat me like dirt! Learn some respect. I went by what my guides told me and my guides are never ever wrong!
Maybe just maybe instead of trying to con or steal from your brothers of some thing you think is yours but have no proof it was given to you maybe you should have asked them for it.
I would say since you were lying to them and trying to steal from them and also went through there home searching with out their consent then you and your wife got exactly what you deserve!
I am a well-known world renown psychic. Am I perfect? No! But two things I don't do is steal and lie! You apparently cant say the same thing now can you!
Next time beg Sylvia Browne for help!
Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2007 11:30:48 +0000 (GMT)
From: "raymond delauney"
Subject: Re: Thanks a bunch
To: "Penny Hart"
Penny
This really takes the biscuit.
I mean, it really does.
If my life wasn't such a car wreck I'd probably find this funny.
I really struck oil when I enlisted the services of a 'world renown' guide.
My guess is the only guide you got hanging around the trailer belongs to your
husband and is of the Labrador variety.
Frankly I think I'd been better off talking to the other dumb mutt.
I doubt you could even successfully predict what day of the week it is.
What qualifications do you need to do your job anyway? Watch Ghostbusters a
couple of times and get some references off a couple of stiffs?
And another thing, if you're as good as you claim to be how come you ain't coming
up on the lotto every other week?
You have the cheek to call me a crook but you put your name down for a 10% slice
of the proceeds. Luckily, I was never going to pay you that anyway.
If you're guides are never wrong maybe I should have e mailed them in the first
place. Instead I get the middleman. Is that why you're called mediums?
I wish you all the luck – with your lack of foresight you sure are going to need it.
Regards,
Raymond Delauney
From: "Penny Hart"
To: "raymond delauney"
Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2007 07:07:40 -0500
Subject: Re: Thanks a bunch
This email has been bounced back to sender of locations checks from I.C.C.E.S. services. A tracking company for possible stalker threats.
END OF CORRESPONDENCE
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